Overcoming the Stigma of Infertility

If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, you know it can be a very difficult and isolating experience. Despite its widespread prevalence, there’s an overarching societal stigma that surrounds infertility, adding an extra layer of emotional weight to an already challenging situation. This blog post aims to shine a light on the societal stigma surrounding infertility, exploring its roots and impact, and encouraging open conversations to break the silence and reduce the shame often associated with fertility struggles. Check out additional posts on infertility here:

• Survival Guide to Infertility
• Things to Avoid Saying to Your Friends with Infertility
• Alternative and Holistic Approach to Infertility

The Silent Struggle:

As you navigate the complexities of infertility, it’s essential to recognize that societal expectations and cultural norms surrounding family planning can contribute to the stigma. Parenthood is often considered a fundamental milestone of adult life, and the inability to conceive may be perceived as a personal failure. At a certain point in your life, you will inevitably hear the question, “So when are you going to have kids?” I remember cringing each time I was asked this question, because was not asked with any ill intent, but after years of struggling with infertility I didn’t like responding with a snarky “Well, we’ve been trying for years, thanks for asking.” This progression to parenthood mindset, deeply ingrained in our culture, can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy for individuals and couples facing fertility challenges. It can be hard to understand these feelings of shame and longing for a family if you have not personally experienced them. This often leads those struggling with infertility to struggle silently or feel isolated.

Societal Stigma and Its Impact:

The societal stigma surrounding infertility can manifest in various ways, from insensitive comments and well-meaning but hurtful advice to feeling excluded from social circles. It became very difficult for my husband and I to spend time with our usual friends once they started having children. The young moms would talk about the woes of pregnancy, or how their sleep training was going, and I again felt isolated with nothing to contribute to the conversation. Additionally, the curated portrayal of perfect families on social media platforms can intensify feelings of inadequacy.

Encouraging Open Conversations:

Breaking the stigma of infertility starts with fostering open and compassionate conversations. By creating a safe space for you to share your experiences, society can work towards dismantling the shame and isolation associated with fertility struggles.

1. Education and Awareness:
   • You play a crucial role in educating the public about the complexities of infertility. Disseminating accurate information about the prevalence of fertility issues, the various causes, and available treatments helps dispel myths and misconceptions.
   • Awareness campaigns are instrumental in challenging societal norms and fostering empathy. Celebrating different paths to parenthood contributes to a more inclusive and understanding society. The path to parenthood may look different for everyone- whether it’s normal pregnancy, adoption, surrogacy, IVF, using donor embryos, etc. Thanks to technological advances there are many ways to get pregnant, and we need to celebrate these instead of stigmatizing them.
2. Empathy and Support:
   • Your friends, family, and colleagues can play a crucial role by offering a listening ear, providing emotional support, and refraining from making insensitive comments. You may have certain friends you find more supportive, or better listeners than others. There may be certain friends you need to take a step back from during this time. I noticed that during the height of our fertility issues, it was difficult to be around any friends who complained about pregnancy. I often would think, “you’re complaining to the wrong person. I would give anything to be where you are right now, with a little one on the way.” Realize that it’s ok if you need to spend less time with people like this, or better yet, address it! I said to many of my friends- “please don’t complain to me about pregnancy. You can complain to anyone else, just not me.”
   • Seek support groups and online communities dedicated to infertility, providing you a platform to connect, share experiences, and find solace in knowing you are not alone in your journey. There are a plethora of facebook groups available, if you do not know anyone you can connect with personally.
3. Normalizing the Conversation:
   • You can contribute to normalizing discussions around fertility by encouraging open conversations in both personal and public spaces. This reduces the secrecy and shame often associated with infertility. Make sure you feel safe talking about these things to your family members and those close to you. If your loved ones are aware of your struggles, they are better able to support you and empathize with you.
   • Celebrities and public figures sharing their fertility struggles contribute to normalizing the conversation and challenging unrealistic expectations.
4. Mindful Language:
   • Language matters when discussing infertility. Using inclusive and sensitive language acknowledges the diverse paths to parenthood and avoids inadvertently causing distress.
   • Be aware of phrases that place undue pressure, such as “When are you having children?” or “Just relax, it will happen,” or my personal LEAST favorite “Oh it will happen as soon as you stop trying.” These phrases are not helpful. Let’s share with the people we love certain phrases that can be supportive such as, “How can I support you at this time?”

Conclusion:

As you navigate the challenging journey of overcoming infertility, remember that overcoming the stigma requires a collective effort to challenge societal norms, foster empathy, and encourage open conversations. By creating a culture that acknowledges the diverse paths to parenthood and supports those facing fertility challenges, we can break the silence and reduce the shame often associated with infertility. It’s time to embrace the complexity of your fertility journey, celebrate your strength, and collectively build a more compassionate and understanding society.