Survival Guide to Infertility

Are you one of many who struggle with infertility? Spending time meticulously planning your life around ovulation? Trying every different prenatal, different lubes, and endless doctor’s visits? Well let me tell you, I’ve been there with you. I’ve felt what you feel. The loneliness, the hope for a new month, only to be devastated again when another month comes with no baby. Here are my recommendations to help you survive infertility.

• Have a Go-To Friend

Friends are essential. I had a lot of friends who were supportive of my infertility journey, and some friends were easier to talk to than others. I’m sure you all have that one friend who was able to get pregnant first try without even trying, and all they talk about is how great or hard pregnancy or motherhood can be. That person is NOT your go-to friend.

My go-to friend is actually the co-author of this blog- Ellen! She actually had two kids before I even got pregnant with one, but somehow she was someone I could confide in. The key to your go-to friend is that they will be a great listener, and sometimes that’s all you need. Someone to listen, someone who asks good questions, and someone who you know really has your best interest at heart. She would check in on me often, and ask about every step of my fertility journey. My embryo transfer days, my egg retrieval, my doctor’s visits, and my ultrasound appointments. I jokingly called her my therapist, but she was a lifesaver. I cannot stress how important it is to have a Go-to friend!

• Find a Hobby

Two things that kept me sane during my fertility journey were exercise gardening. Hobbies are very important. They help you to not fixate on the things you cannot change. I would spend afternoons in my garden because growing something gave me purpose and made me feel accomplished.

I also loved exercising and being outside. I think exercise is great for overall health, and mental health as well. Just being active releases endorphins, stimulates the brain, heart, and bowels. It promotes blood flow, and studies show it actually improves fertility! It may not cure your infertility, but it can certainly elevate your mood.

Hobbies are vital. I know the winter months I couldn’t spend time in my garden were always the most difficult. So find yourself a hobby- a creative outlet to keep your mind busy and help you feel fulfilled.

• See a Therapist

Now, this may not be for everyone. I actually only saw a therapist 2-3 times, and it caused me more stress than benefit. I felt like I didn’t have the time, it was too overwhelming, and my therapist didn’t give me any good advice. So I had to stop seeing her. But I know a lot of my friends have had tremendous efficacy with therapy.

Now, this point is very important- YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR THERAPIST! Of course you are in this journey together, but don’t offload all of your problems and burdens on your husband or partner. It can get really heavy for them, and cause some marital strain and occasional resentment. This is why I advocate for therapy. You need someone you can talk to that is completely unbiased, and will not be burdened by your burdens.

• Take a Break

If you’ve been trying to conceive for a while, you know this is near impossible. I would always get so upset when people would say “it will happen once you stop trying” or “it will happen when you least expect it. Umm ok, that’s terrible advice. But I will say there is some relief in taking a break. Not necessarily to “stop trying”, but to take a break from timing your cycle and ovulation, and planning when to seduce your husband. At one point I deleted my ovulation tracker and had no idea where I was in my cycle. And it was so refreshing just to live life, have unscheduled sex, and have fun with my husband. So take a little break! Go on vacation, try something new, and then you can come back to your trying when you are ready.

• Find a Good Doctor

This one is also vital. You want someone on your team that will be your advocate and work with you to achieve your goals. If you feel like your doctor doesn’t care or doesn’t listen to you- find a new one! I loved my doctor- he walked me through all of the studies we would do, and then all the results of the studies. We went through all of my treatment options, the pros, and cons of each, but in the end, he let me make the final call. I felt like I was in control of my fertility decisions, and although we had to go through it all, and eventually IVF, it was worth it in the end.

These are just a few of my suggestions. Maybe you have some ideas that worked for you! I would love to here them. Leave a like or a comment with your best fertility survival tip! And wherever you may be on your fertility journey- Good luck!